Mon-iacle

29 February 2004 at 14:24 Leave a comment

So I went to the eye-doctor, which I hate. It’s always been the same. After figuring out you can’t see very well, they start putting lenses in front of your face and asking questions:

Him: “Is that better?”

Me: “I guess…”

Him: “That?”

Me: “I don’t know…the same?”

Him: “Now?”

Me: “No. Worse”

Him (sounding surprised): “Really?”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Him (getting desperate): “Can you see better now?”

Me: “Sure, I guess.”

And I never was sure, and I’d get my glasses, wear them for 6 months, a year, the headaches never quite going away (which I attributed to the weight of the glasses) and then I would quit wearing them.

But having avoided ophthalmologists for 5 years, I’ve apparently missed out on all the fun new toys and technological advancements: this time he had me look into a machine that showed me a picture of a long fence-lined driveway with a red barn at the end and it focused and unfocused itself, I didn’t have to say anything, but he said (sounding offended), “Your eyes are not the same!”

Diagnosis: I need one contact, or one plain glass lens, or, wait for it, a MONOCLE.

I have a medically verifiable reason to wear a monocle.

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Entry filed under: huh.

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T. Anderson Painter

I am a misanthrope. No one ever believes me, but this seems to prove my point.

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